ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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