But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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