in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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