im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
