My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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