We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
