well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
