You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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