Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
