i don't like sucking hair
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
