are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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