Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
