if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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