I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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