Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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