I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
