He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
