that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
