My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
