I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
