Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
