She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
