you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
