oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
