I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
