So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
