I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
