i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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