He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
