I think my vagina is haunted
its not stalking. its research.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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