He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
