Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
