In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Randomize
