a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
