You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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