He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
