you're like a bully in the Christmas story
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
