Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
