i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
