That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had sex on a roof
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
