shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
