eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
