my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
