I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
