Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
