we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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