So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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