Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
