We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
