I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
